i put this out there. the ad is officially active.
Job Description: Parallel playmate for uneasy vegetable gardener who says she wants to be alone.
Qualifications: must be willing to sit around in the garden reading the Sunday New York Times and drink ice tea, offer occasional snippet of national news analysis or share two funny sentences. (Just the two.) Once per hour say something along the lines of “is that tough and stunning rose the one you call Martha Gonzales?” or “you just picked ALL THOSE BEANS?” or “I gotta say, no one looks hotter in overalls than you.”
Age: Not important. Ten-year-old applicants may substitute Holes by Louis Sachar for the Times. Or anything by Laura Ingalls Wilder.
Perks: Shade umbrella, plastic Adirondack chair, ice tea with real ice, all the raw green beans you can eat.
Note: Although the gardener doesn’t, for some reason, want to be alone, she doesn’t really feel like chatting.
Obstacles: Chiggers, mosquitoes and low-flying purple martens—although for some reason they leave the gardener alone.
Pay: to be arranged by karma.
Offer expires with the gardener herself, but not before.