Monday, May 28, 2007

on career, family and quality of life

i should start by saying that i have always tended to be an overachiever, often a workaholic and career driven person. something is changing and my instincts tell me it's for the better. i'm looking at priorities in a different kind of way. i think i'm on the cusp of a shifting focus. the way i think about life and the experiences i enjoy are more simple. the experiences are still driven by the get back what you put into it idea, like the gardening and the fixing of things around the house and the keeping time with friends. i don't feel all that different, i've never been good at small talk, i've never been one with little ideas and it's never been easy for me to slow down and relax. i don't know if any of that will change. i think it's more about shifting than changing. it's about focusing energy in different places. 39 years to get here. i've always felt like a late bloomer. is 39 years late to bloom in this way? don't know, i've only got the experiences of this current life to guess from.

now i'm not sure that i can get this turned around in a fashion pronto. i just hope to find a way to keep my focus clear and steady. and the focus is quality of life. this means opening up myself to the extended family more than i have (this is where i often choose work over family, i'm very close with mom, dad and brother), opening up to the possibility of a relationship (i'm one of those who takes care of herself and has a hard time and/or would rather not ask for help) and trusting that the person i am is good in hopes of chipping away the protective barrier i've built up over the years.

more to come on this...

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